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Robin's Realm




We all have them. 

I sit here tonight and think of my life. When I was young, I had the vision of wanting to be a school teacher. I used to love playing school in our basement, with our old desk and chalkboard. As the years passed, I found myself in many activities of life, and with many visions.

After graduating from high school, I entered college with the vision of becoming a special education teacher. The first semester was great, but I missed my boyfriend at home. Christmas came that year and I got engaged. The new vision of being a wife now came upon me. The vision of baking the cookies… ironing the shirts… the vision of the house with the little white picket fence…. I finished that year of college and then quit to start that vision which so enamored me.

Needless to say, that vision soon hit reality—hard reality. I became a waitress in a restaurant for 5 years, then found a part time job at a local hospital. I then had the vision of children. I had gotten married at the age of 19 and now had my first child at the age of 22 (he is now 21 and will graduate soon from college). As the visions of life passed me by, I had two more children. Life was busy, and there was not much time for me and my visions. My life was now focused on raising the kids.

My vision of the happy homemaker came crashing down after 14 years of marriage ending in divorce. I then found myself on my own and raising my three small children. At times life was so hectic with working two jobs that I found it hard to survive.

I still had that vision inside of wanting that happy relationship and home life, and so, I found myself falling in love again, and this man made my world spin! He made me happy. We had so many great times together. We would go out for fun nights of dancing. I can remember dancing in his arms spinning about the dance floor being so much in love.

We talked; we shared. The vision of being happy again and spending my life with him started to develop. I had the visions of it all: love; happiness; togetherness. Ever have those?

Slowly this vision started to fade. Things changed. I thought he loved me so much.

We had our challenging and rocky times with me not understanding it all and me fighting to keep it all together. We were to be engaged. Heck, we even did pre-engagement counseling. I can remember the therapist saying, “Before you say I do, he really needs to deal with his alcohol issues.” He would say he knew he abused alcohol, but was not an alcoholic. Why is it then, that so many times he was drunk? this man I so loved; was it pain he was trying to cover? Pain from what? What was happening to my happy visions? They were fading away. They were replaced with stress, tears, and arguments; me being blamed; me being told “you don’t listen, you don’t understand,” and “you only care about yourself.” The vision then exploded. All was lost. My hope, my happiness, and my family (I had moved away from my family and friends to be closer to him). I was left to pick up the pieces of my visions.

Where does one begin with their visions? I have learned—and want to share—that it begins with believing in yourself! You must truly be happy with yourself before your visions can become reality. One must live in the moment. You must stay focused on your vision. Journaling along the path of your visions helps tremendously. Write your visions down. Keep them where you can see them. What is it you visualize? Think positive thoughts. Don’t doubt yourself. Believe in yourself and your visions. All things are possible, are they not?

How do they say it… “All good things come to those who wait”? Patience is a virtue. Be patient with yourself. As they say, “Rome was not built in a day,” and neither is your vision going to become reality in just one day. It takes time and it takes you placing your best foot forward and beginning to take those steps for the vision to happen. Best of all, when you realize and visualize that the vision is about you and what you choose, you will really see the light of that vision come shining through!

As a final thought, here is my definition of vision:

V — Victory

I — Independence

S— Strength

I — Insight

O— Ongoing

N — New Life

You see, with self Victory we gain Independence, Strength, Insight and with all of it being Ongoing, we have the ultimate Vision—New Life!

P.S. I still have some of those yearnings of being a school teacher, but I think the teacher part of me is being brought out by being able to share with others like yourself who has had, at one time or another, your visions shattered as well.

--Robin Walters, January 2006


© Copyright 2006 by Robin Walters. All Rights Reserved. 

Robin Walters is an alcoholic relationship survivor and writer in New York state. Robin still longs to be a school teacher, but now satisfies that longing by sharing her life experiences in the hope that her lessons will lighten the load for others. She may be contacted at robin@empoweredrecovery.com. Read more of her writings at www.EmpoweredRecovery.com/robin .




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