Empowered Recovery--Candidly Helping the Family and friends of Alcoholics Recognize, Understand, and Resolve an Alcoholic Relationship

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Robin's Realm


Just Sex


Why is it that sex is a difficult subject for people to talk about? Is it embarrassing? Is it taboo?

Can you remember your first official sex talk? The one your parents had with you about the birds and the bees? I remember sitting at the kitchen table with my mom and dad. Spaghetti was on the menu that night. I believe I was twelve years old. Here I am at the age of forty-four. The world has brought an education to me in regards to sex and relationships.

We are all human. We all have a physical need within us that craves to be fulfilled. How wonderful that first kiss was years ago. I believe I was in the eighth grade. Do you remember your first kiss and how your lips tingled? Did you see stars? Through the years of going from a young teen to an adult, one may have different physical experiences.

There is one common dominator we all long for and that is to be loved. We yearn to find our soul mate in life. The one we can share all with including total intimacy. In seeking this soul mate, we may find ourselves giving our whole self to another. I personally feel when a woman gives herself to a man; she gives a piece of herself and her heart. As for men, I can remember my father always telling me and warning me about men. He told me for men, sex was on the mind 24/7.

Have you ever thought you were in love with someone? Did you find yourself giving your whole self including total intimacy yet still felt unsatisfied in the relationship? Was there something missing? This, my friends, is called Just Sex.

I have learned through my friend Sue that one should treasure themselves. We are given one body while we are here on earth and we must treasure that one body. Why should we give it to others to abuse and enjoy?

In seeking our inner self, who we are, and what we want, we need to guard our heart and our body. I am not telling you to build a wall and not let anyone into your inner emotional world. What I am saying is take time in life. Take time for you. It has often been said in order to love another you must love yourself first. Do you love yourself? Do you know who you are? Do you know what you want in life?

I encourage you to find who you are. Once you find who you are, you will no longer find yourself in a relationship that offers Just Sex. If you learn to love yourself and come to know who you are and what you are worth, you will find that you are priceless. No one will be able to steal your joy. No one will be able to steal your heart—let alone your body. In discovering to love yourself, you will find that you are worth much more than Just Sex.

Learn to treasure yourself. Learn to love you. Once you accomplish this, you will be ready to discover true intimacy that life has to offer.  Through my journey of becoming empowered, I have learned that it is better to be alone, than to be in a relationship and still feel alone.

As the candlelight flickers and you find yourself lying next to someone, ask yourself these questions. Do I love me? Do I know who I am? Does this person fulfill more than my physical needs? If you can honestly answer yes to the above three questions, Congratulations! You my friend have passed the Just Sex phase and entered the world of true intimacy!


--Robin Walters, February 26, 2006


© Copyright 2006 by Robin Walters. All Rights Reserved. 

Robin Walters is an alcoholic relationship survivor and writer in New York state. Robin still longs to be a school teacher, but now satisfies that longing by sharing her life experiences in the hope that her lessons will lighten the load for others. She may be contacted at robin@empoweredrecovery.com. Read more of her writings at www.EmpoweredRecovery.com/robin .




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