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Here
I am on a cold snowy night
Wondering
what is my plight?
Where
am I to be?
Who
am I?
Who
or what can I be?
They
all say just wait
You
will see
What
your journey will be
Do
they not understand?
Cannot
they see?
I
am in much pain and confusion
They
say the feel my
Hurt
and pain
And
I am sure they do
But
really do they know how I feel?
I
ask myself
How
can I love someone so much
That
does not love me back the same?
It
will soon be
The
two-year mark
I
say take a look
A
long hard look
Who
brought more to the
Relationship?
Who brought what?
You
still sit here like long ago
Waiting
for the phone to ring
Communication
and Trust
You
both said you had
So
many things were left unsaid
But
Why I ask?
And
now I know
I
did not want to face the facts
The
facts that I now know
There
was no commitment wanted
Oh
yes he went through the motions
Why?
To keep me happy I say to myself
All
those times spent together
Were
they just a fake?
Did
he really feel anything at all?
Oh
yes, you have gone back for a
Night
here and there
With
words said-
I
do love you- but you piss me off so much!
Why?
What did I do?
I
see that I loved a man
Changed
so much of my life too quickly for him
I
took a leap of faith— moved myself
Yes
the job was better— but deep down
I
knew I was moving for love
For
a love that I thought would last
That
love ended on one part two months ago
The
other end wants to cling on-
Again
for what?
For
the craziness of not knowing will he call?
For
all the rushing here and there?
For
more disappointments?
What
was really there?
Oh
yes I am scared now
Many
fears I have
Especially
living the distance from my family
It
is my daughter and I here now
I
must survive
To
depend on another for happiness in life
Is
insane
I
have learned that I need to be happy with me
Yes
I wish so much at times
That
others could make me happy and whole
But
I know deep down It is all about me
I
need to be healthy in heart and in spirit and in joy
So
as the light goes out tonight
The
thoughts I shall turn
From
the wondering of what if’s?
To
the knowings of
I
am a beautiful person
I
have many inner qualities
And
I must chuckle as
He
still tells me on
Those
run in nights
“I
am a stubborn man”
Well
guess what!
Be
stubborn all you want
Go
to the bars and have that fun
You
missed out on when you were so young
Sit
alone on that hill
Nursing
that hangover headache
Fill
your home with boughten
Material
things
Because
guess what!
It
is my turn in life
To
be the stubborn one
I
am going to get that life
I
so deserve
One
moment at a time
One
second at a time
One
day at a time
I
know where my plight
Is
to go
It
is go on the Journey
The
journey of me~
--Robin
Walters, March 3, 2005
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