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Alcoholic Relationship Survival Guide: What to Do When You Don't Know What to Do -- Must Read! Click Here for More Info!

Alcoholic Relationship Survival Guide 

By Doug Kelley, CH, CSL

With Tracy Kelley, CH

Read the book that was 47 years 

in the making, and 5 years in the writing!

The Complete & Finished ER Guide is Now Available!



The Alcoholic Relationship Survival Guide has been helping nonalcoholics resolve alcoholic relationships since 2001. This is no ordinary recovery book, it is a powerful resource that explains the dynamics of an alcoholic relationship from a nonalcoholic perspective. It will explain the why's and how's of your situation in an easy-to-understand-but-no-holds-barred style that will encourage you, comfort you, anger you, and then help you to resolve your difficult situation in the most healthy and beneficial way possible. 

It will teach you healthy and effective ways to respond to alcoholic dysfunction and verbal abuse. You will also learn how to set healthy boundaries and reinvent yourself into a "New You." After reading this book you will not only understand your situation much more clearly, but you will also know what steps to take next. This book is a greatly expanded version of the information on this website. You owe it to yourself and any children you may have to read it as soon as possible. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be free from alcoholic enslavement. 

Table of Contents Follows Below

eBook Edition

Alcoholic Relationship Survival Guide: What to Do When You Don't Know What to Do -- Must Read! Click Here for More Info!eBook Version: $10.00


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Kindle Edition

Alcoholic Relationship Survival Guide: What to Do When You Don't Know What to Do -- Must Read! Click Here for More Info!Kindle Version: $10.00


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Perfect Bound Print Version

Alcoholic Relationship Survival Guide: What to Do When You Don't Know What to Do -- Must Read! Click Here for More Info!Perfect Bound Print Version: $22.00

The "Alcoholic Relationship Survival Guide" is available for $22.00. These books are brand new, high quality, perfect bound copies.

Print Version:

318 pages, 6 x 9 

ISBN: 1-4276-0700-1


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U.S. Shipping is $6.50 via USPS Media Mail. International Shipping is approximately $32 USD. Please allow up to two weeks for delivery due to the supplier's printing process. Int'l shipments may take longer.

Click Here to download the worksheets contained in the book.


Candid Conversations Download Audio Edition (NOT CDs)

Candid Conversations Downloadable Edition: $12.00

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Foreword—Why Empowered Recovery?

Why this Book is Different • The Solution Lies Within You • Alcoholism Statistics

Introduction—What is Empowered Recovery?

Precepts of the Recovery Paragon • Frequently Asked Questions



1. Is it Alcoholism or Not?

Warning Signs • Short Test • Heavy Drinking vs. Alcoholism • Who is the Problem? • Threat of Violence

2. Plausible Deniability—The Fine Art of Fooling Yourself 

“Plausible Deniability” • “The Dirty Secret” • High Emotional Cost of Denial • Exploring Your Own Denial • The Danger of Detachment • Losing the Denial and Reclaiming You

3. A Private Hell of Our Own Making—Responsibility, Acceptance and Commitment

Responsibility • Empowered Recovery is About Resolution • Three Immutable Laws • Acceptance and Commitment • 10 Reasons Why Empowered Recovery is Not for You



4. Understanding the Nature of Alcoholism 

“Why Alcoholism is a Disease” • The Disease Concept and Control • “Why Alcoholism is Not a Disease” • Powerlessness and Control • Personal Responsibility • What Does it All Mean?

5. The Nature of Alcoholism in Perspective 

Reconciling the Disease/Not-a-Disease Controversy • The Reality of the Disease/Not-a-Disease Controversy • The Disease/Not-a-Disease Controversy and the Nonalcoholic

6. The Human Side of Alcoholism

A Disorder of the Soul • Low Self-Esteem and Self-Hatred • The Word, “Alcoholic” • Concept of “Rock Bottom” • Interventions • Balancing Empathy with Responsibility

7. Aberrant Alcoholic Behaviors and Physical Side Effects

Physical Health • Brain Damage • Arrested Development • Bottle is their Best Friend • “Name Your Poison” • “Fun Drunk” vs. “Mean Drunk” • Secrecy and Hiding Alcohol • Blackouts • Hygiene and Odor • The “God Syndrome” • Pathological Lying • Jekyll and Hyde Phenomena • Narcissism • Dual Diagnosis • Living Crisis to Crisis • Dry Drunk • High Maintenance and General Dysfunction • Functional Alcoholics • Emotional Incest • Verbal, Emotional, Physical, and/or Sexual Abuse and Violence • Symptoms of Alcoholic Withdrawal • DT’s • Table, “Symptoms of Alcoholic Withdrawal”

8. The Games Alcoholics Play

Traits and Case Studies

9. How the Weapons of the Alcoholic Impact and Harm the Entire Family

Weapons of the Alcoholic • Emotional Terrorism • Active Aggressive Control Tactics • Weapons of the Nonalcoholic • Flowchart, “Generational Track Lines of Alcoholic Relationships —Alcoholic Track”

10. Codependence and Enabling—The Reciprocal Disorders

The Heart of Codependence • Perceived Payoff of Codependence • Empowered Recovery’s Definition of Codependence • How to Get Rid of Codependence Instantly • Healthy Interdependence • Enabling • Are You an Enabler? • How to Stop Enabling Instantly • Flowchart, “Generational Track Lines of Alcoholic Relationships —Nonalcoholic Track”

11. The Games Codependent-Nonalcoholics Play 

Traits and Case Studies

12. Why People Remain in Alcoholic Relationships —The Stockholm Syndrome

Description and Discussion • Table, “Why Women Stay in Abusive Relationships”

13. Why I Stayed Stuck in an Alcoholic Relationship and Why You Are Too

How My Beliefs Held Me Hostage • What Beliefs Are Holding You Hostage? • The Upside that Masquerades as the Downside

14. Exposing the Myths and Realities of Why People Remain

Financial Fears • “The Alcoholic Needs Me” • Negative-Positive Reinforcement • “I Can Fix Him/Her” or “Addicted to Addiction” • “I’m Not Worthy of a Healthy Relationship” • “For the Children”/Keeping the Family Together • Fear of Losing Custody of Your Children • Fear of Loneliness/Loss of Companionship • Missing Out if the Alcoholic Recovers • The Stigma of Alcoholism and Embarrassment Over the Alcoholic • Comfort Zones • Being a Quitter/Marriage Vows/Guilt and/or Shame Over a Failed Relationship • Religious and/or Traditional Beliefs • Fear for Personal or Family Safety • The “If-Only’s”

15. Breaking the Generational Cycle of Alcoholism and Codependence

The Impact of Alcoholic Relationships on Children • Moral Obligation • The Potential Effects of an Alcoholic Relationship on Children • Case Study, “Think Kids Don’t Suffer? Read This…” • Flowchart, “Generational Track Lines of Alcoholic Relationships”


segment 3 - RESOLUTION

16. The First Step in Resolving an Alcoholic Relationship —The Recovery Paragon 

Self-Acceptance • How to Build Your Self-Esteem • Self-Responsibility • Three Universal Laws of Personal Responsibility • Respect for Free Will • Self-Completeness • List, “21 Traits of the Complete Person”

17. Who Owns You? —Reinventing Your Healthy Boundaries 

Boundaries and Boundary Violations • Reinventing Yourself to Establish Healthy Boundaries • How to Reinvent Yourself in 5 Steps • The New You • The Nonalcoholic’s Bill of Rights

18. How to Say it Assertively 

11 Powerful Assertive Confrontation Techniques for Nonalcoholics • How to Say it Assertively • Examples of What to Say • The Realities of Getting the Alcoholic to Respect Your Boundaries

19. Three Secrets to Accelerating Resolution in an Alcoholic Relationship 

A Priceless Life-Lesson • Actually Learning the Lesson • The Journal of Your Life • Keeping it Simple • What is Your Next Step Right Now?

20. The Critical Necessity of Documenting Alcoholic Behavior 

Properly Documenting Alcoholic Behavior • Examples and Case Studies of Proper Documentation • How My Practice of Documentation Helped

21. Should I Stay or Leave? Part 1

  • What Is, Is: Reconciling Expectations with Reality 

    Discussion of the Realities of Alcoholic Relationships

22. Should I Stay or Leave? Part 2

  • A Wake Up Call for Abusive Relationships 

   Waking Up Your Perspective • Flipping Your Perspective 180 Degrees • Betrayal of Trust

23. Should I Stay or Leave? Part 3

  • The Two Most Important Relationship Questions (Relationship Worksheet) 

The Three L’s • Self-Evaluation Worksheet • Evaluation of the Alcoholic Worksheet • Should I Stay or Leave this Relationship?

24. Practical Steps for Resolving Your Alcoholic Relationship 

Solution Finding Flowchart and Discussion • Implementing Your Solution • To Tell or Not to Tell • Maintaining Your Resolve • Backsliding/”Going Back to the Bottle” • No Contact Rule • Custody, Legal Issues, and Prudence • Making it Work

25. The Nightmare Ends; The Dream Begins —Managing Your Grief, Guilt, and Loss

The Nightmare Ends • Dealing with the Pain and Grief of Losing a Relationship • The Dream Begins



A: Empowered Recovery’s Glossary of Related Terms 

80 common terms used in Empowered Recovery regarding Alcoholism and Codependence

B: Emergency Checklist for Crisis Situations & Other Important Information 

Checklist for Leaving an Abuser • Abuse Hotlines • Types and Traits of Abuse • Safety Plan

C: 10 things You Should Never Do in an Alcoholic Relationship 

D: Reinvention Worksheets 

Instructions • Sample List of Core Values • Sample List of Characteristics • Reinvention Worksheet • Characteristics Worksheet

E: Boundary Violation/Response Worksheet 

F: The Author’s Story (eBook only)


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Click Here for Candid Conversations with Doug & Tracy Kelley