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| Over-responsibility(uber-responsibility?) | November 03, 2008, 04:57:15 AM | I really enjoy bicycling. It's an odd thing. Not to be competitive, as in racing, but to just ride. Whether wandering the trails in the woods or cruising local roads, gazing at the sights, it's something I just love to do. Something I loved to do in my teens, before I discovered my other passions, cars and girls. But that's another story.
I'm surely of the explorer mentality. I've not bought a new bicycle since, oh, 1984 or thereabouts. That particular twenty-four year old example hangs very well time worn, in my basement. The last few mountain bikes have been yard sale finds, patch em' up and ride em' type deals. I've spent some time the last two years stopping at bike shops for parts, and to gawk at the bikes. I've wanted a new road bike for some time. But the prices, holy monkey butts, about $700 for a "decent starter bike" ?? Yipe! Oh no, no money for that. I recently saw a sweet one, and inquired at my credit union about possibly getting a loan.
"A loan for a bicycle!" I heard the loan officer chortle, in my imagination. "If you need a loan for a two-wheeler get a paper route, or cut lawns, like the other kids do!"
Despite such ramblings within my psyche, I gathered up the nerve to ask when I was there one day.
She looked briefly a file on me...... (Holy shit, they have a file on me! Is this the CIA?), and made a waving motion with her hand as she said, "No problem. You've got very good credit."
Huh? Good credit? Whendafuk did that happen, I thought.........
I then asked what the payment would be per week, on this imaginary 2 wheeler we were speaking of?
About 20 bucks a week. Shit. Why did I wait this long? Why did I fondle so many, gaze longingly at them at shops, rather than stepping up to the plate?
Before the A came along, before Sophia came along, it was all about me, all about my wants. Since then, I had made a 180 degree turn to super - over - responsible.
And still, I feel uneasy and guilty about buying something I want, something I would cherish and enjoy greatly. I seriously doubt $20 a week will break me.
Geez. What happened to my old carefree irresponsible behavior? It didn't make my head hurt quite so bad.
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| A lack of drama. | November 03, 2008, 04:33:09 AM | It sometimes, to me, seems almost boring without drama and turmoil, things I dealt with on a daily basis in the past.
In a recent phone conversation with Chris, I remarked how there was very little in exciting news to report, for the most part, nothing new was going on.........
"Yes, isn't that great!" she remarked. "So peaceful, so tranquil"..........
Hmmm. Perhaps I'd gotten so used to turmoil in my life that it causes me to be a bit uneasy when there is none. Perhaps I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop, when there is none?
No drama is a sweet thing. Apparently it takes some time to get used to, though. I often feel guilty about doing something non - productive, such as loafing about the house in an old favorite silk robe, as I am now. So many things I should be doing, ya know. I need to remind myself that enjoying some peace and tranquility is not loafing, sometimes......
actually healing one's spirit or soul is productive work in the end. I'm beginning to think that life is not all about worry, work, rushing from one appointment to the next, but all about the bits of time we manage to save to coddle, comfort ourselves, our happiness, enjoy our loved ones.
Very un-modern thinking, but I think I'm onto something. Maybe I need to mark down a "date" with myself on the calendar, schedule some "nothing" time every week. |
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